Astold by Jamila

Ever take a wrong turn in the labyrinthine world of dating, only to wish you’d spotted the red flags a little sooner? Join us for an episode packed with laughter and frank conversations, as we navigate the often perplexing realm of dating in your 30s with our guest, Jamila, a comedian and new mom who knows a thing or two about life’s unexpected routes. We serve up a hearty discussion about the changing dynamics of courtship, the subtle signs we often miss, and how to balance romantic pursuits with the demands of parenting.

Ever find yourself caught off guard by the sudden twists in your personal growth journey? We've all been there and in our chat with Jamila, we explore how comedy has become an unexpected pathway for personal evolution. We discuss the transformation of our podcast over time and delve into the tricky business of stepping out of your comfort zone, while juggling the demands of streaming services and supporting emerging talents.

As we move deeper into the conversation, we highlight the importance of honesty from the very beginning of a relationship. We share personal experiences about setting clear boundaries, recognizing the gravity of expectations and the importance of being cautious when it comes to relationships. We wrap things up with a light-hearted discussion about Black History, Instagram, and a glimpse into Jamila’s thrilling journey as a comedian. So, join us for a roller-coaster ride through the twisted, yet amusing world of relationships and personal growth.
https://drum.io/noidmediatv

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:02

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to a brand new episode of the no ID podcast. This is season eight, season eight. You know we are completely unedited, unfiltered. We don't give a damn over here at all. I have a friend here, good person, great spirit. She's also a creative. A teacher met a couple of years ago. We're gonna discuss red flags and the dating. Keep it easy that, jamila.

Speaker 2 0:36

Hi, I'm Jamila. I am a new mom and I'm excited. I don't know what else to say. Let's just be started.

Speaker 1 0:43

Let's get started. It's night, dart. So, that's let's go get started.

Speaker 2 0:47

Oh, that used to be my favorite skit.

Speaker 1 0:49

The redo redo brown.

Speaker 2 0:51

Yes, that was like. Oh, I love him, he's awesome.

Speaker 1 0:54

He is. How is dating in your 30s like what's the?

Speaker 2 1:03

So I have not dated since I had my daughter. Um, so okay, so I have dated. In my 30s I was in a serious relationship, hence the reason why my daughter came. Um, but we have since broken up and we just co-parent. Uh, so I haven't talked to dated texts. You don't know if I'll go to nobody since then. Um, yeah, so I don't know. I know, when I was looking it was hard, because you can't really Find people like that in it. I guess it's the area that we're in, or maybe I just don't go anywhere. Um, it's just not a lot of people out here like dating, or if you meet somebody, they're in a relationship or they're in like this situation or they're doing the most. So I haven't really found anybody. That's sort of like chilling and trying to get to know people and like courting. You know, it's like a difference between courting somebody and dating.

Speaker 2 2:03

Yeah like people don't do that. Like they just be like. Oh, I'm gonna just text you. Oh, I have people asking me, um, when I was out there oh, what's your instagram? You can't get to them on instagram. It's not. We're not in high school. So, yeah, that was. I'm not looking forward to getting back into the dating, if that's how it's gonna be.

Speaker 1 2:27

Yeah, yeah, it's, it's oh child. What's the worst, whoo child? I got out. I was in a relationship about a year ago and we broke up.

Speaker 1 2:37

It was long distance, but like before that part happened and then after I got single again. Oh god, I've been in so many arguments. In the base I think it's just me. Um, I really do, I really do. I really just think is me like what I'm attracting? Um, I had one situation Like this is when I was like really in comedy, like I'm still in it, but like I'm not, as I'm bigger than what I was before and I invited her to an open mic.

Speaker 1 3:12

It was somewhere in Norfolk. I met her offline. I think it was okay, keep it over the joint. And she missed my performance like I only did five minutes. So she came, I mean, when they was about to start doing voting. I'm like, ah shit, first thing she goes. I heard my face. I want to vote for Rome Davis. I'm like, did you even see me? Right? He ain't seen him before. So then she goes telling everybody I could be your manager, I can manage your career. We can get you some stand-up specials, we can get you some, uh, merchandise. I get a drink. I don't drink, so I got my drink. It's like it's just a little, it's like a little iced tea. Make sure they give you a coaches, because coaches demand respect. Like I said, oh shit, it's time for me to leave this shit. I said I know what's gonna happen. So I said have you ever managed anybody before? She says no, I work for social services.

Speaker 1 4:08

I said what the fuck is you doing?

Speaker 2 4:18

Yeah, she was trying to start her business with you. That's funny, what? Yeah, he was late. You can't imagine he'd be late. What, come on, it was?

Speaker 1 4:30

it was so bad. It was so bad and then, like I end up hanging out with her, I had to put her in her place. You're not being my manager, I don't want one, I'm some independent. But she just was like, well, I want to be a comedian too. I was like fuck, this happens all the time. Now I'm like I don't think that's gonna work. Well, I was listening to your podcast. I was like thank you for the support, but I think you know, I think it's time for us to gracefully bow out from each other.

Speaker 2 5:00

But it was so weird, anyhoo what did you go on another date? I would not have went on another date. Like one thing that's dated in my 30s is seeing red flags early. And I go on another date. Like I know I'm like was it a one day queen? Like if I were going on a date and people are who they are and they're going to show you who they are up front. They don't. People don't tend to change.

Speaker 2 5:31

So if I see like a major red flag up front, like, let's say, I ask you okay, so what happened in your last relationship? Why did they end? And you only talk about the other person, to me you're going to lack accountability. Like you're not going to take responsibility for anything that you say, anything you do, so then we don't need to talk. So that's a red flag. And then I tell people like hey, like I want to know what you did, like what was your part in your relationship ending. And they were like well, they cheated. Okay, I understand that, but you have some type of accountability in that. Like what happened? What did? Like? Did you try to work it out with the person? Did you immediately shut down? Like, what was your part of it? And if they're unable to say what their part is. I don't want to talk to you because I need people that are not able to hold themselves accountable, but also, yes, the way she was trying to get on the come up. He's been multiple.

Speaker 1 6:28

First night.

Speaker 2 6:29

We're done. I'm not your come up. I'm so sorry, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 6:35

What's the other one I had? I had another joint. I had to play her as though we never went out and I had to be an asshole to like To get her to realize that I'm not doing. And she asked me to buy her a mcm bag one time After those man crush Monday and I was like, what is your birthday? I'm thinking, yeah, bro, that's a $700 bag.

Speaker 2 6:57

I don't even know what that is.

Speaker 1 6:58

Me neither I had Google it, oh, all right. But so I ended up like not buying her the bag. And then she came back and was like yeah, I'm a balsam, get money. But she was just in my DMs asked me for a bag. So I was like I'm just gonna cut this shit off. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 7:11

But like when I look for red flags is like if they can't hold a conversation at all If they can't like, if I can't, spend time with you, not even just in the public setting, in the private setting. I'm not even talking about trying to get no yams and none of that. I'm talking about like we actually just sitting on the couch, either talking, vibing or just watching the game. I can't do that with you. I don't want to be with you. I think the older I've gotten and the more therapy I've gone to, I started to realize that if I can't, can't have no conversation with you if I can't, like you said, accountability. But you ain't got no accountability in your past relationship or in your life situation. I'm Gucci. I.

Speaker 2 8:02

Feel that and then the therapy part of it is really big too, but that's what people don't think they need therapy, and I've worked really hard in my therapy and to get to where it is that I want to be. I don't want to be with somebody that's not willing to Go on that journey, whether it's together or separate.

Speaker 2 8:21

Um because we all have things that we have to deal with and sometimes we don't know unless we go talk to a therapist. Uh, so that's a really big thing for me. Um, it's talking about that with people and I'm pretty upfront and honest, um, at the beginning about what I want in my expectations, because I feel like people are surface level. When you first meet them, they keep it at what you're doing, hey, how you doing what you want to do this weekend. But I think that that's like a waste of time because we're in our 30s. What am I doing? I'm probably at work.

Speaker 2 8:58

If I'm not at work, I'm probably cleaning or I'm doing something with my daughter. Like I'm probably doing the same thing every day. But what else can we talk about? What else do you bring to the conversation? Okay, well, you said that I don't know this thing was bothering me. Do you know how to communicate that to me? If you don't know how to communicate that to me and I suggest, hey, maybe you should talk to a therapist that can help you with this, because I can't help you and you looking me like boo boo to fool because you don't wanna go to therapy, that's a problem. So, yeah, that's the thing People don't wanna go to therapy. I'm gonna understand it.

Speaker 1 9:40

Because it's pride, it's ego. It's like oh, is that the new norm now to go to therapy? And then you was talking about communication. Some people don't know how to communicate at all and they don't know how to talk to you, like if it was a trigger or something that's bad, they don't know how to talk to you. They know how to talk at you or talk down to you, like no, we're adults and I'm not gonna be one that's gonna react.

Speaker 1 10:06

I'm just gonna make a note of it or whatever I said or something that triggered you or something I did. I'm gonna try not to do it again, but I'm asking you to let me know, like, talk to me, be like yo, rome, I ain't like. When you said X, y and Z, I'm like all right, cool, I'll make sure that I'm a little bit more careful with saying that. Or I empathize with what you're saying, but I wanna be so quick to jump into it, cause when people make a mistake, it'll talk over somebody else, cause they don't wanna hear the other stuff. No, I'm gonna hear you out and then I'm gonna like all right, cool, I acknowledge what you're saying. I'm gonna work on it.

Speaker 2 10:44

But I'm not perfect Hell no. Exactly that's where I am. So like I used to know what I didn't want in a relationship, now I know what I want and I'm working on myself so that I can get what I want.

Speaker 2 11:03

So I know that I'm not completely there yet. So, like I want a man that put God first, he's financially stable, he works out, he puts his family at the forefront of whatever it is that he's doing Whatever it is that he's doing. So I know that something that I have to work on is my budget. Like I struggle with budgeting, I have to work on it, cause if I want a man that knows how to do that, I have to be able to do that too and bring that to the table. I'm working on working out more Okay, so I want a man that works out, takes care of his body guess what? I have to be able to do that too. So those are things that I think now, dating in my mid 30s, that I've kind of realized that I used to attract the person that I was and not the person that I wanted. So, like I'm on this journey to become who it is that I want to date. So birds of a feather flock together. So if I want us to be here, then I need to be here too and not just down here waiting for somebody to come pick me up and bring me up there. So that's where I am.

Speaker 2 12:22

As far as red flags. I don't like people that don't have integrity, that don't take stuff serious. They out here, just really, really, I'm gonna talk to this person. I'm gonna talk to this person. I'm gonna talk to this person. Look, you don't know what you want. I can't, I don't have time. Either we're here or we're not, and if we're not, then go on about your business, don't do that.

Speaker 1 12:48

I don't wanna do that.

Speaker 2 12:50

Yeah so yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 12:54

It's funny that you said then you got a shirt that says love yourself.

Speaker 2 12:58

Oh yeah, of course that too.

Speaker 1 13:01

Hell yeah, hell yeah. That's not a white people be talking to me. I thought she was like hell yeah, dude, hell yeah. It's awesome Freakin' A bro.

Speaker 2 13:12

I get it. I get it. It was good show, yeah, yeah. I know I'm funny, you're not this healthy.

Speaker 1 13:22

Oh yeah, you know, you gonna pull out one of my shows one day.

Speaker 2 13:26

I'll be watching your podcast and stuff, but I sure I can. I can't believe in my house, but I'll show up.

Speaker 1 13:35

My podcast is a little wild right now, I know.

Speaker 2 13:38

I know it's funny because I remember when you first started it the podcast has shifted. It's like a complete 180s from like when you first started it. You're having like these really cool and chill conversations. Now I never know what I'm gonna hear when I log in to listen. I'll be like I don't know what you talking about today. But let's see, and I'm like, oh, oh oh.

Speaker 2 14:10

So it was cool. I mean it was. It's really cool to see where it started and then where it is now and to see, like, the growth Cause. I'm always rooting for people, even though I be in my own shell and people don't be knowing, but I'll be in the fact, like I know. That's right, that's my holy. Doing a thing and then starting a comedy cause. I remember when we first met, you said you wanted to do comedy and to see you get out and start doing stand-up was really cool. I like to see people's progression and seeing them going places and doing things. It's cool. I love it. It's awesome. Black people, come on. I rooting for you. I was rooting for you. You think you're?

Speaker 1 14:50

mine. I was rooting for you Cause I remember I did that show for y'all at the Downing Culture Center and I was. I was going to start roasting in there, but I was just fresh, I was just fresh out of comedy school and I was like yo, this is dope and I actually love what you was doing. And now I see you progressed on. Like you got a baby girl. I'm like this is low key, like Different. I'm mom man man, you are a mom, mom, it is different. A whole mother.

Speaker 1 15:17

We gotta get you out the house, don't be dumb.

Speaker 2 15:19

We gotta get you I know I'm gonna be going nowhere. People always message me like yo, what are you doing? I'm like nothing. Somebody was like you went from hosting events like every other weekend to we don't even know where you are. I'm like yeah, I'm here. I just be at home. I'd be chilling.

Speaker 1 15:36

What you, what you be. We just switching, we pivot over here on the YD. What do you be watching? What do you be listening on Watching? And just what are you watching on TV? They just all like doing outside of being a mom, Cause I'm pretty sure it's a lot of like bubble guppies and kid shows, but like, is there something that you doing at the crib Like outside?

Speaker 2 15:55

of you know what, the last couple of months I've been really on TV Like watching a bunch of Watch it, a bunch of TV. That's what I'm doing. I just click on really, I get on and it's like the luck of the draw. I just be like mm. Okay, I'm gonna watch this, and then I just go down like this path of to be and you can spend hours on to be people people sleep on, to be, they be so focused on like the quality of the videos, of the movies and TV shows. But I like they be good. They be cracking up, they do. They be good.

Speaker 1 16:33

Cause, when time, when time water wasn't gonna pay, those people on HBO Max, like they move a bunch of shows and movies over there when I had started, put Lovecraft country on to be I like, I like, bet they, they, they been one day over to be as lit. And then I see all these stand-up comedians that I grew up on. Like their specials is up there, so I don't even got Netflix, no more.

Speaker 2 16:57

I don't either. When they I logged in one day and they asked me for my zip code and was like you can only watch it in this area, I said okay, delete. You're not gonna tell me that my parents can't use my Netflix. I'm so sorry. So we deleted it. Now me and my friends be on to me, and that's what we be doing, cause it's nothing really on Netflix. That's where me not being able to share my password, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 17:25

So yeah. I just not, I'm sorry, netflix is like overrated, don't I mean? Then we say, if Netflix listened to this sometime in the future, sometime soon, please, I want a special play.

Speaker 2 17:37

Give them a special Netflix Please.

Speaker 1 17:40

I'll take 10 minutes. I will take a cool 10 minutes. I will take a cool 10 minutes. I'm good with that. Just to say I have it, but we'll see. I might have to go to Tubi, bro, cause I had a homie.

Speaker 2 17:54

Do a stand-up special and put it on.

Speaker 1 17:55

Tubi, but the thing it's cool, but, like I had an opportunity to do a special, it's still on the table but they said it has to be in my hometown and I was like the way Virginia is no, ain't nobody gonna pull up there. Ain't nobody gonna pull up to that shit.

Speaker 2 18:17

Okay, so we go to play and I'm gonna do another open mic tonight and you gonna come and we're gonna record your special.

Speaker 1 18:26

We gotta get you out of the house. Where is the dog? I know we got you. You got a reclining chair right now.

Speaker 2 18:34

So this is like my maternity chair. This is a chair I use when I have my daughter and I was having a sciatic pain. I would like sleep in this chair, and then, of course, after I had her, this was the chair that me and her sat in all the time. This is like the most comfortable chair I've ever had. I'm never gonna get rid of it.

Speaker 1 18:53

Question if a dude was to ask you out on a date, would you go out with him Like he was? Like you know what? I wanna take you somewhere, cause I know you're still vegan, right.

Speaker 2 19:07

No, so funny story. When I got pregnant, I couldn't eat anything. The only thing that I could like stomach was pepperoni pizza, specifically from Papa John. Like everything made me sick, like when I say I was sick, I lost weight when I was pregnant cause I was so sick and the only thing that I could kick down was pepperoni pizza and that's the only thing that I could eat. That's the only thing I wanted to eat. So when I got pregnant that being what I do with them, cause that's all I could eat and that's all I could think about and so one day, I was just like forget it I told my daughter's dad. I said I wanted pepperoni pizza and I wanted now. And it was back when Shaq came out with the pepperoni pizza.

Speaker 2 19:53

Yeah, shaq came out with me so I told him. I said I want it. Came on a commercial. I said I want this pizza, I want it right now. So we ordered it. I ate almost a whole pizza by myself and I was like, I'm not sick, oh my gosh. So that's all I ate when I was pregnant and I haven't looked back since. So, yeah, I'm not vegan anymore. Although I still eat some vegan. I was heavy, right, yeah. I'm not anymore, not anymore.

Speaker 1 20:25

Cause you had me trying it and I remember like I was like this is delicious. I remember when the whole food was got a vegan burger, just to say hold on.

Speaker 2 20:35

I still do some, but no, it's whatever now. So I thought about like going back to it, but it was just such a lot. It was such a lot of work in the world. It was a lot of work transitioning into being vegan. I don't know if I want to do it again.

Speaker 1 20:55

Welcome to the dark side.

Speaker 2 20:58

I like the dark side.

Speaker 1 20:59

It is good. It's good. I still messed with some plant-based stuff, but I don't.

Speaker 2 21:06

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 21:07

No, there's some stuff I won't eat. There's some stuff like nah, I can't do that. Like they had somebody put a plant-based steak up there.

Speaker 2 21:14

It was a mushroom steak. Oh, hey, oh fuck no. I don't like mushrooms.

Speaker 1 21:19

Me neither.

Speaker 2 21:24

But to your question would I go. I don't know.

Speaker 1 21:29

Why are you so scared?

Speaker 2 21:31

I guess I so alright. So I made a promise to myself, so I keep a journal now.

Speaker 2 21:39

I wrote in my journal that when I started dating again, I wanted to date with the intent of meeting my husband. Like I don't want to just be out here going out on dates, doing whatever, doing this and doing that. So since I said that, I've been kind of like do I want to go out and meet people? Am I ready for that? So it's been kind of like this tug of war of do I want to date again or do I just want to take the rest of the year and continue to work on myself and just build for me and my daughter? But then there are nights where I get bored. I'm like I just want to go out to eat or I just want to go to talk off with somebody, or I just want somebody to text me or call me, but then it's times where I don't want nobody to talk to me. So I just feel like am I there yet? Probably not.

Speaker 2 22:36

Would I accept the date from somebody I don't know? I guess it would depend on what I was doing when they asked me what type of mood I was in, because, like, if you catch me on a day where I'm like I don't feel like being bothered, I would probably just be like no, but it would be more of an emotional no than a logical no. But if you catch me where I'm like having an awesome day, I'd be like, yeah, let's go, let's have a good time. But again, it would be an emotional yes and not a logical okay. Yeah, this makes sense, we should go out on a date. I also think that in order for me to go out on a date with somebody, I would have to be talking to them for a little while first just because I don't really want to be just hanging out with people for no reason.

Speaker 2 23:19

But another one of my things is I don't want to hang out with nobody that I wouldn't have around my daughter, even though they wouldn't meet them upfront. I'm very particular about who I hang around, because energy is a real thing and, being in certain people's spaces, I don't want them attached to me or my child. So, yeah, I have no idea what I would say, and that is the honest truth. Because, as you, can tell from my answer, I am all over the place.

Speaker 1 23:47

Fellas, y'all hear that you slid in the DM. Like you know, let's go get some Papa John's. You might get a yes, you might get a no, you might get a maybe, and the yes is the easy part. It's the actual meeting up part.

Speaker 2 24:03

So you got to be honest.

Speaker 1 24:05

That's that Ooh.

Speaker 2 24:08

I'm all over the place, man. I don't have a direct answer. I feel like we should talk first and get to know each other. Now would I go out with friends? Yes, that's easy.

Speaker 1 24:19

Matter of fact, why don't you come to me Friday? I'd be in Norfolk.

Speaker 2 24:24

I can't. I have my daughter.

Speaker 1 24:25

Oh, you can't take her in there neither, because they smoke heavily in that shit. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, wow.

Speaker 2 24:36

What.

Speaker 1 24:37

I was like thank you, because that is right. It just depends on the emotion. I'm one of the people like I asked somebody on a date and this is a red flag of mine and I'll get dressed, but if I sit on that sofa I will come up with some. I will come up with some excuses why I can't I know that time.

Speaker 1 24:55

I was like I got dressed early Shower like I was keys in the pocket phone, everything. I sat on that sofa because she was like I'm running a little late coming home. I was like. I was like, yeah, my stomach hurting right now. Been in and out the bathroom. I was mad.

Speaker 2 25:20

I had one situation.

Speaker 1 25:21

when I took her we was gonna go out but I got booked to do a show that same. Like the day of the date I was like, yeah, I can't do it. I said I'm staying in the house today. I'm not really feeling well again. And I fucked around and posted the clip up on Instagram. And she was like, when was that clip? I was like, oh, that's a old clip that I had put up. I just needed some time.

Speaker 2 25:51

So you should have just told the truth.

Speaker 1 25:54

I think it was a bad like, bad like dating situation, because we would go out but we wouldn't have nothing to talk about, because we didn't talk about everything throughout the week, and then the shit that she was saying wasn't adding up. Then she you know, I saw Instagram story when she had like one day she was with one dude, the next day she was with two other dudes. I was like, oh, I'm just in rotation. I said let me go ahead and play my part.

Speaker 2 26:21

So why do you keep talking to these people?

Speaker 1 26:23

Man, it's what I'd be attracting. I don't know what the oh man. I had to sit down one time. I was like yo, I got a chill. I do, I do, I really do. I got a chill and it's only been this bad since I started doing stand up. It's the only thing. I'm five years in the game.

Speaker 2 26:40

It is, it is not it's only You're attracted to stories to tell or just stand up.

Speaker 1 26:46

Yeah, but they give me good material.

Speaker 2 26:49

Yeah, I see.

Speaker 1 26:51

They'd be good material, but you know what's the other one?

Speaker 2 26:55

You need to stop on the first date, cause you you sound like you noticed a red flag and then you're like, oh, I'm ignore that, why I don't know, you know it was another red flag I hate.

Speaker 1 27:11

sometimes it's like when they hit me with the I don't want to go Like you go out with them for about a couple of months and they hit you with the. This is. I'm not really looking for a relationship. You could have told me that like date number two.

Speaker 2 27:25

Exactly Date number, date number one. So like people be like um and I used to do this like I would just tell people like I'm not really looking for anything serious, like I just want to go out to eat and I'm okay with paying for myself, maybe like dad, why you say they now? Why, because you might be looking for something serious that I'm not. I don't want to waste your time Like that stuff. I feel like when I start dating again, I was just gonna tell people up front like look, I'm not looking for no stepdaddy, I'm not looking for none of that stuff. I'm dating and eat my husband. I ain't trying to play games with you. I'm not gonna waste your time. You know, go waste my time. You get tired of talking to me? Let me know up front. I will not be offended, it is okay.

Speaker 2 28:09

So that's why I was just I'm gonna come up with this little speech that I say to begin and everything. So everybody know what it is up front. You ain't coming over to get in my drawers. We ain't about to be laying in my bed. I'm not about hanging out with you every day. We can text, that's cool. But I ain't gonna be texting you back and forth all day, because I work full-time and I got the child. So just one tell you upfront what to expect.

Speaker 1 28:34

The fact that you had a whole hand movements. What it like, the whole, I'm just telling you.

Speaker 2 28:41

And he was moving with I'm not gonna do the head. I'm working on myself. I told you I'm a working progress. I'm not gonna do the hand motion because, for some reason, when women do this, instead of like excitement, people will perceive it as aggression. So I'm gonna try not to. But I talked with my hands. So, and you know me, I'm not. I'm not an aggressive person. No, you're sweet hands, so Sometimes you can be like she coming for me. No, I'm just excited.

Speaker 1 29:20

It's like I don't know, man, I don't know that whole speech. Like down fellas. I'm telling you, man, she got their speech, just walk away. But like niggas, people don't understand this shit, cuz I had a girl do this one time. She like text me and I work on the basis. I don't get good service, and then she would call if I didn't respond in a certain time.

Speaker 1 29:43

Oh my god and then I hate that. Then she would like hold a conversation Right now. Realize I'm at work, I'm in a cubicle, I can fuck around for a little bit, so we talking. I'm like I'm about to go on lunch. You know I'm gonna hit you back lunch time. Come, phone call, come. I'm off at 3, 30, 3, 35. She calling me one, talk me the whole way. As I say, you know I gotta use go home. Sometimes I use the bathroom, I gotta take a dump. She, she wants to talk to me on the phone. I'm tellin my yo I gotta concentrate, I'm trying to have a concert. She understand it. She understand it. I don't know.

Speaker 2 30:26

Have boundaries. I hate when people Double in, triple text me before I text them back once. Do not take, if you text me unless you have like a completely separate thing to say. Don't text me again until I text you back. I'm gonna text you back when I get ready to text you back. It's okay. But like people like that don't have boundaries, like you don't get that. Okay, I said I'm gonna call you back. Okay, I said I'm gonna text you back If you text me again or call me again. When I told you I was gonna call you or text you back. That's a boundary problem.

Speaker 1 31:02

Big boundary problem cuz like they don't understand that shit. That shit is irritating.

Speaker 2 31:08

Or I just don't feel like talking.

Speaker 1 31:09

All right.

Speaker 2 31:11

Nothing to do with you. Maybe I had a rough day and I want to come home and I want to decompress. Oh, like you said, a concert. Sometimes I just wanna listen to music in my car on the way home and I don't want to talk to you. It's okay, it don't have nothing to do with you, I Just need a moment to myself, like their time now. Like Like my daughter would be with her dad and so, okay, so this guy was trying to talk to me a lot, bring it back.

Speaker 2 31:41

So my daughter would be where dad. And he would be like, okay, come on, let's go do this. And I'd be like I honestly just want to sit in my bed by myself and watch TV. And and he'd be like, well, what did I do? I'm like, how did I do to you? I work full-time on the teacher with kids, then I with my daughter. When I get home, I don't get no time to myself, I just want to sit by myself. I was like I Don't know, I don't want to do anything right now, but then the conversation would be he would make it about him when it's not about you, it's about me and my peace in my time. And I understand you want to hang out, but I don't want to hang out right now, and that's okay. I can't hang out with you tomorrow for another day, right, but then it became a turnoff.

Speaker 2 32:32

So then Saturday comes and I don't want to hang out with you because you got on my nurse Friday night. So now I'm like no, he'd be like, well, what did you do? Like I was gonna move and I want out to eat by yourself. Yes, because you know my nerves. I'm not, I'm not talking about it. You know my nerves period. So, yeah, that's a huge. Don't do that. Just everything in about you. Some people are just real selfish and anything, everything about them. If I like text you and I'd be like, hey, let's go hang out, and you was just like, honestly, just like you know, I really don't feel like hanging out with anybody right now. I wouldn't be offended, I knew it ain't have nothing to do with me. You just don't want to hang out. That's okay, that's true.

Speaker 1 33:12

I feel like, when you like, getting to that courting or dating part, if you send a good morning, hope you have a good day message in the morning and then wait to talk at night. You have something to talk about instead of all throughout the goddamn day, because this is like you have nothing to talk about before you know part ways for the night or whatever. I said like that's like I thought I was gonna be, like I think there's like a little too much. Like I can send a text message hey, good morning, hope you have a good day at work. Blah, blah, blah, boom. That's cool. I'm not gonna text you through all day because you got like a job. Then you come home and I know for me I was sitting in the car Until, like, the radio just turns off before I step in my house. I don't know why I do it, but I just need that that time to have a stressful day. I just need that time decompress. Then you know I got open mics. I still do this podcast, I got show. Sometimes I got to travel and I'm like, oh, I just don't want to. I just don't want to like talk right now.

Speaker 1 34:12

Now, if it comes to hanging out, you know sometimes I do this shit right here. I'm good, I want to hang out, but then I hit you up a couple hours late and play. You know what I changed my mind and I had one group like I had a couple hours Late. I'm like you know what I changed my mind and I had one girl like you said you want to hang out. Now I didn't, I wasn't really having a good day, but now I'm like in the mood to hang out. She's like not too late. I'm like, well what? You doing Nothing. I'm like I ain't no shit, have a good night. And that's when I got hit with that K.

Speaker 2 34:45

K.

Speaker 1 34:46

That's the most different.

Speaker 2 34:48

I'm so different, like both K, k and I said it. I've used K on people before. Okay, oh, but yeah no, I'm good, see. That's why I don't want to date, because people get on my nerves.

Speaker 1 35:05

Man, I think it's a dude out there for you right now. He probably chilling, probably got his toes out on the sofa somewhere or watching the murder. Mr Curled up. I don't know. I don't think I'm ready.

Speaker 2 35:18

Um, because people like say they want honesty, but then when you're honest with them, they don't know how to take it. So I don't know if I'm ready for that, because I'm in a season where it's like, if you ask me something, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you my honest truth, and that's different from being like brutal. I'm not going to be an a-hole about it, I'm not going to. You know, people think brutal honesty is the way to go about it. I'm going to tell you my honest truth in the nicest way that I can.

Speaker 2 35:45

But I also don't want to feel like I can't talk to you. So I don't know. I'm all over the place. I don't think I'm ready to date. I think you are. Let me use the proper vernacular somewhere. To school teacher right now.

Discussion on Relationships and Personal Growth

Speaker 1 36:00

I think you are. You just had some bad moments that was like, ah, you know what I mean and it it fucks with you a little bit, because I know from experience when you see yourself with somebody Y'all getting a serious relationship and then that thing don't go out the way that you wanted to go out, it's a fear of getting back in that pool and then a lot of times, like the social media stuff, the posts, the blogs, even television movies or whatever Kind of plays on our mind a little bit from what the shit that we see like the algorithm, and it plays on the mind because I was like that too. For me I'm not even fucking dating, no more. Tired of this shit. I said I'm just going to chill. But I was like what?

Speaker 1 36:41

I think it was like a moment when I missed the relationship, like I had did a show for Dio Hugli. I ain't had nobody to brag to. I ain't had nobody to brag to. I ain't no old lady. I like damn, I got to wait till like 9 o'clock to tell my mama in the morning because she's asleep. I don't want to wake her up and get in trouble. I ain't got no homie. You know what I mean. So I was like it comes sometimes when I miss the relationship aspect. But then it comes sometimes I'm like I'm chilling. I think it's not even 50-50. It's like 70-30. 30% missing it. Well, 70% missing it, 30%, like I'm cooling.

Speaker 2 37:22

Yeah, I feel like at a place where I want some to be found. I don't want to go out seeking. So then if I meet somebody, that's okay, but they're going to have to find me, they're going to have to come to me, yeah, and it's going to have to be a really good conversation about what we want up front and where we want to go.

Speaker 1 37:48

So, yeah, Wait, you still on the other side of the water.

Speaker 2 37:53

In the produce.

Speaker 1 37:54

I ain't want to say the city.

Speaker 2 37:57

They have to come find me. We're all right, they do already oh.

Speaker 1 38:03

Okay, well, I get off at 3 30 tomorrow. I work in Portsmouth so I Pay a toll to get over there. Manifest tomorrow, thursday Thursday I actually be in Newport news tomorrow. I should be in Newport news doing the open mic. That's actually perfect.

Speaker 2 38:22

But I have my daughter right.

Speaker 1 38:24

So I have to wait for you to be kid-free. And then I got a way she did, being moved to actually hang out, cuz I know from a spirit Well, I don't have no kids, but I know it's a moment like uh, silence.

Speaker 2 38:39

Like silence, huh.

Speaker 1 38:42

You think?

Speaker 2 38:43

it's not always true, because sometimes, when she's not here, I do want to go hang out, but then I haven't made connections with people To go hang out, so I end up just going to do stuff by myself me. Right so, but also don't want to be like Get people's numbers and then we hang out, but then I only want to talk to you when I want to talk to you. That's not fair to them.

Speaker 1 39:10

No, is that?

Speaker 2 39:12

Yeah, so I don't want to be that person.

Speaker 1 39:14

You don't want to be that person.

Speaker 2 39:16

That's a red flag.

Speaker 1 39:20

Is a look at it.

Speaker 2 39:22

It is a red flag. It's only time. So let's say we exchange numbers and only time I ever talk to you was and when I wanted to. That would be a like I would be one big walk-in red flag like you're not taking me serious. You only talk to me when you talk to me. So yeah, I.

Speaker 1 39:38

I Saw them eyes and they had moved. That was a mom moment right there. That's the experience in the game.

Speaker 2 39:49

In our, in her top drawer, yeah.

Speaker 1 39:55

I had one situation when she only taught me when she wanted to talk to me, but it was beneficial at the time.

Speaker 2 40:03

So who, you or her?

Speaker 1 40:04

no to to both, cuz I just think we just I think was just more physical. Anyway, she only hit me up when she wanted to be, and then she will like yeah, yeah, but that's old-time shit came into play, that's seen me. And came into play and it took a while for me to get it off, like off of me.

Speaker 2 40:33

That's why I ain't trying to. I want nobody in me that I. Gotta be real careful.

Speaker 1 40:41

I'm smarter now because, boy, let me tell you that she was at me in the trans. Anywho, well, I Appreciate you do, cuz I ain't learned about soul ties until I met you the I thought it was you know skin to skin, and then somebody broke the shit down for me one night. Oh well, it makes sense. So I'm gonna go ahead and in this, off on this, I I appreciate you saving my ass for doing this interview, because the person that honest, the person I was supposed to that was gonna do this interview, drop the fuck out. After they saw the Harry Koochie video, that might have people. People, it's not my Harry Koochie interviews. My name, pete's fuzz, and I put the sound bite up.

Speaker 2 41:34

Why did they drop out I?

Speaker 1 41:38

Don't know. She's like I don't think your podcast is meant for my audience. Oh, what the fuck do you mean? You literally are a sex therapist, like. What the fuck does that mean? Sounds like you know what. I keep trying to flex my muscle a little bit.

Speaker 2 42:03

I I didn't see a gym post.

Speaker 1 42:14

Yeah, man, yeah yeah.

Speaker 2 42:17

I don't work out consistent, so I don't post.

Speaker 1 42:20

You really post is either like a mommy and me thing or you just I.

Speaker 2 42:27

Know, yeah, I need to do better.

Speaker 1 42:32

Yeah, cuz you creative a shit, I'm not gonna lie and you would drop a game on your old part.

Speaker 2 42:37

I know you had that situation, but yeah, I know I need to get back into doing it. I had so much fun when I was doing it and I met so many people. Now I don't know any. I feel like I don't know anybody. So, yeah, I Gonna come out of my show.

Speaker 1 42:58

I think, you do cuz you got a good person. Yeah, you got charisma.

Speaker 2 43:03

I'm gonna put it like that Nobody ever said that to me before.

Speaker 1 43:08

The. You know you keep popping your head. You know you looking kind of good with a natural hair and shit Talk to you in a while, so this is oh yeah, she's looking kind of good right now. Gotta have my shot like 16 times when this podcast in this. Shitting. I seen the natural. Like damn you got the little boys. I was like, oh shit, she bossing up, you got a little sad looking like the little hands. She was like oh God.

Speaker 2 43:57

You know, you know, you know, she got a little portrait. She went back. I was like look, I got the whole set up. Look, to be transparent, I was about to sit in this chair with this white background. I was like I'm not going to do that, let's jazz it up. So I put some of my paintings up, my G for the listeners listening.

Speaker 1 44:17

Like I said, my parents moved out this house years ago. This is day oh shit, I have yet to move out. I don't for people that say I don't know what I'm going to be in 2024 or 2025.

Speaker 2 44:28

I'm hardly in Virginia, as is.

Speaker 1 44:32

I don't know what the move is like, so maybe in Virginia. I don't want to say no, keep the China cabinet.

Speaker 1 44:42

This shit. Oh, bro, it used to be worse when I was a girl. Over here my mom used to have porcelain dolls. She left here Like straight Annabelle and Chuckie up in this crib. I like I got a girl like you still live on your mama, say my mama and my dad. They moved up the street, me and my sister just ran underneath the table. You know it was like your line. I was like no, I'm telling the truth. You know, it's so weird, it's cool, they can't.

Speaker 1 45:11

I took that shit down, but I have my sister.

Speaker 2 45:13

Yeah, because.

Speaker 1 45:14

I'm afraid of dolls. I would go through the garage before I come through the front door with the dolls Most of my I guess they scared of dolls. It's not. It's not regular dolls, it's them porcelain dolls where they ask just feel like they follow you and they just stand in the motion and all no, you got your daughter on. I don't know if you got her American girl yet, so she might not be ready.

Speaker 2 45:49

She could get on to, only to them.

Speaker 1 45:51

dolls Got slave stories behind them.

Speaker 2 45:56

And then we don't have those, I dated one girl. A lot of her stuff is black, created black. Oh, like come through. We are with it.

Speaker 1 46:07

Come through.

Speaker 2 46:08

First birthday party with Susie Carmichael, because he's a black cartoon. Like we keep it real black.

Black History, Instagram, and Random Banter

Speaker 1 46:16

And she's played by Chris summer. Oh, that's a little black history fact for some of y'all out there.

Speaker 2 46:24

That's. That's. That's real black and happy over here, ain't none of that.

Speaker 1 46:29

Definitely keep it black when you say you watch to be.

Speaker 2 46:33

OK, look at that.

Speaker 1 46:35

Natural hair and it got a good sassful head. I lost you.

Speaker 2 46:45

Look, I ain't. Yeah, we lost me.

Speaker 1 46:51

All right, it's cool we're going in this interview.

Speaker 2 46:54

You shot the joke and he did like this.

Speaker 1 46:58

He really did. And I'm talking about you like that, like you got a good sass for it, like my hairline ain't been going back since before I met you. I got the gray show on everything. You know, If anybody wants to follow you or maybe get you for another podcast episode, can they do that? How do they follow you?

Speaker 2 47:26

Yeah, I'm on Instagram. My Instagram is asked to by Jamila. My name is Jamila and that's pretty much it. I don't have Twitter or anything like that to the Instagram.

Speaker 1 47:40

Make sure you guys go to comedian Romo IG that's Twitter as well and fan base and Rome they was on Facebook. Or you can just go to no idea media TV on Instagram, youtube and Facebook Like, share, comment, subscribe, hit the link in the bio. We actually got merchandise coming out now too.

Speaker 1 47:57

I'm saying it's just me, it's just me, it's just me on the way you saying we Maybe my different personalities or something, but make sure you support Black creative as well. To the other podcast and for fellas out there they're going to shoot. They shot a Jamila, Be respectful. I'll ask and patient. This is some superwoman shit that she's doing right now I don't know where that dance came from?

Speaker 2 48:28

That was really weird.

Speaker 1 48:34

I don't know what this shit came from, but she was.

Speaker 2 48:37

Oh, I don't know, I talk about kids.

Speaker 1 48:41

Oh no, you remind me, like that thing in Madagascar, where that pingo was, like you didn't see anything. That's, that's.

Speaker 2 48:52

Why can't I picture the exact same?

Speaker 1 48:56

Oh, exactly.

Speaker 2 48:58

That's one of the cartoons that we watched in my house. My daughter loves that shit.

Speaker 1 49:02

See, I still watch it. All right, let me go ahead and sign on. Stop the recorder.